This magazine article contains an excerpt from Nicky Clinch’s book “Surrender”, published by Hay House. You can buy a copy here.
When one of us receives the invitation, “Do you want to break free of your patterns and live stronger and freer?”, Each of us will instantly say, “Yes, yes, yes” without ever thinking about what that really means. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about changing who we are and how we live.
If I were to ask you here and now, “Are you ready now to break free of your patterns and sufferings so that you can live empowered, joyful and free in your life?” What would your immediate answer be? It’s “yes” right? Without thinking for a moment? That’s your answer, of course, because who doesn’t want that? Because what is next to this answer is often the perception that everything will be better when you live in freedom, strengthened and free. Everything will be fine and peaceful and it will be easy to be you. You will sit next to God and feel full of euphoria and throw your beautiful light on the world.
Such a lovely, lovely picture. And one that doesn’t even remotely agree with the truth. We are sorry. This is the picture that was sold to us as a beautiful marketing sale, but it is not the truth.
In order to break free from our patterns of embodying our most authentic, empowered and free selves, we must surrender – give up everything we think we know about who we are and how we should live our lives. The beliefs, ideas and survival strategies; the behaviors, patterns and programming that have determined how we have lived our lives up to now. Led by an unhealed trauma from our past, fueled by the stories we have identified in our heads, but none of them have anything to do with what is real in the here and now – none of which is who we really are.
This is not an easy question, and it requires remarkable courage of the heart – to give up what we know, even if what we know is causing us pain, even if that suffering at least gives us a sense of control and security. In contrast to plunging headlong into the total unknown and consciously leaving behind the false sense of security in order to serve what is authentic and true. It takes great courage.
For now, take a moment to think about what you know – who you are. about what you need to get what you want; over your whole life in fact. Where did you learn what you know? Think about it. Everything you think you know about yourself and your life has been inherited from someone or elsewhere. Everything. The ideas and beliefs of who you are as a woman or a man. The patterns, the behaviors in life, in intimacy. Even the language you speak. All inherited from parents, teachers, friends, society. The ideas of what is the “right” and the “wrong” way for you to live your life. The options you think are possible and the choices you should make to be “loved” or “acceptable”. Every single view you have of who you are – who to be, how to live your life, what is required of you to be loved or unloved or valuable or not – was given to you by someone else and was given to you given by someone else and by someone else to those before them. And if every single view is only programmed, but nothing is original or authentic, what is true and what is not?
At this moment, I would like to invite you to ask yourself the following question, while taking a moment to be quiet and think about what this question offers: What do you actually know for sure?
Your maturation and healing is about unlearning what you “know” – what you have programmed blocks your ability to see who you are and see clearly. Anything you know, anything that gets you where you are now, could have served a purpose in many ways. However, since you are here with me reading this book, I assume that this knowledge did not give you what you were hoping for.
Nicky Clinch is a transformational coach, spiritual mentor, entrepreneur and founder of the Warrior Woman movement. It is their goal in life to empower women to become their most authentic and aligned selves, knowing that everything they need is already within them. Connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, and the website.