I’m looking at a photo that popped up on my Facebook feed two years ago. It’s a silly photo of me, with big eyes and open mouth, standing in a beautiful square in Malaga, pretending a jacaranda tree showing its showy purple flowers is growing out of my head.
In truth, I laugh a little inwardly at this photo and then move on to reply to a message. While I’ve taken a moment to enjoy the photo, part of me rejects what that represents and moves on.
Even now, when I’m cooped up at home driving my cats and girlfriend insane, part of me refuses the achievement of a solo yoga retreat in Spain with all of the marketing, depositing and depositing involved Fear of failure to perform. Hope, Cheater Syndrome, and Joy. This part of me also lets off the years of hard work, the 9 classes per week plus a full-time job, and then leaves the security of that career for the life of self-employment.
What is interesting is that I have to seriously consider why part of me refused the achievement of doing this first solo retreat. Because I didn’t fill every room and part of me compared myself to the Instayogis with xxxk followers. And under that comparison was the feeling that I just wasn’t good enough (that’s a shame, by the way).
The part of me that, over the years, creates, overcomes and enjoys what I achieve, rejects, has also released the blood, sweat, tears and trauma of my life. PTSD, ADHD, career-changing midlife anxiety – ALL were dismissed in favor of comparison or “not good enough” or “it won’t work” or “but other people are much more experienced”.
We all do this – we fire, we lay down, we ignore, we compare, we blame, we are ashamed, but we don’t encourage, recognize, or validate each other nearly as much. “
I see it so much in my clients who work in the wellness industry. Classic stories include, “How can I get new customers in a pandemic / recession?” “Who should I ask for money from people right now?” “There is too much competition – nobody is interested in what I have to offer.”
My friends welcome to ego. The ego loves to do a number with us!
When we acknowledge and validate our experience, our history, our life, we can learn to lower the volume of the ego.
Notice your energy when comparing yourself to someone else and take the time to extol yourself with love. «
Notice how heavy or strange it can be felt Good about praising yourself. «
“Friends, we have love Work to do. We have to learn to validate and recognize ourselves. We need to learn to hold ourselves – our lives with compassion and tenderness. If we can do that, everything we see will change
It can be easy to believe that what you are doing is not enough, that you are not enough – that you have to be a better person, a better version of you. It is common to compare yourself to others and then wonder why you didn’t find out everything.
Practicing self-validation is key, as is learning to not only challenge these thoughts, but to seek, understand, and empathize with the underlying beliefs that make these thoughts and behaviors recur.
As a daily exercise, why not write in a journal that you are proud of every night before bed – it could be an action, an achievement, a thought, a meal, an exercise. Just one thing. Try it..
The experiences of my life turned into my work as a holistic coach, breathing and yoga teacher. Over the years I have been able to see myself in others and offer my experience and support. Our shame stories lose their power when shared because we see that when we feel that way, we are not alone. It is really possible to move from feeling low in self-worth, stuck, indecisive, or worthless to feeling strong and focused on purpose.
If you are ready to make lasting change, I would highly recommend that you attend one of my mindset workshops, where we learn why these beliefs arise, how we can challenge them, and what we need to do to develop self-esteem, which enables us to really thrive and trust ourselves. If you experience uncomfortable feelings while reading, it may be a sign that this exploration is for you.
Come to me to find out more How to Romanticize Yourself on Saturday 13th February at 10.30am UK. You can invest in a recording if you can’t get it live.
Andy is a certified holistic coach, yoga and meditation teacher and transformational breath facilitator in training. Andy’s passion is to teach and support you in mastering your body and mind and leading an empowered life. Andy lives near Cambridge * UK with his two cats Connie & Mo and is a firm believer that miracles happen!
Andy’s affordable group REWIRE online coaching program is open to new applicants. Andy teaches and coaches in the UK, Europe and Southeast Asia, and online. To book a coaching session, take part in REWIRE, a workshop or a class. Click here.